I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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