forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
