I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
