Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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