My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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