i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
