Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
