why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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