Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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