Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
