Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
