I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
