after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
