I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
