I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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