my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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