when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Randomize
