I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
