I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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