you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
