he shaved USA in his pubs
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
