what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
