I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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