You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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