you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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