Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
