Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
