i permit you to call me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
