it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
