Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
