I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
