I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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