I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
