And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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