I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
