Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
