Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
