there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
