This dress was meant to end up on your floor
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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