Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
