Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
