1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
