You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
