I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
