she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
