just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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