I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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