Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
