My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
