fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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