I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
