I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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