Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
